This is why:

My novel is now connected to Miranda July’s book.

Total WIN.

I feel like I actually accomplished something, howbeit small and un-noteworthy to anybody else.

I will celebrate today by going to my local McDonald’s and hugging everybody I see.

Have a good day, whoever reads this.

Forthcoming Titles from Elijah Joon:

BOOK # 1)

NO ONE BELONGS HERE LESS THAN ME: STORIES BY ELIJAH JOON

Of course, this one is a play on the short story collection, NO ONE BELONGS HERE MORE THAN YOU, by the lovably quirky Miranda July.  Will have to check out her newest film, THE FUTURE, now that it’s out on DVD.

BOOK #2)

THE CRAPPIEST AMERICAN POETRY 2011

I’m compiling it with my main homie, DJ Funk Nasty, who was cool enough to help me out over the past couple months, going through submissions, and other editing works.  I called for submissions online since I started publishing on Amazon Kindle in June of 2011 and I made a blog post calling for last-minute submissions a couple of days ago.

Of course, this is a parody of the self-importantly titled anthology series edited by David Lehman, THE BEST AMERICAN POETRY 2011, which ironically enough, has a 3-star average rating on Amazon.com :

I don’t mind a bit if THE CRAPPIEST AMERICAN POETRY 2011 gets a 1-star rating because that would precisely be the point, LOL.  I’m excited about this anthology, to be honest.  A lot of crazy people on the internet submitted some funny and crude shit, heh heh heh.

BOOK #3)

DA DEF VINCI CODE CYPHER: A NOVEL (Dan Brown/The Da Vinci Code Parody)

Paris.  The Louvre.  Leonardo da Vinci.  Dan Brown.  Hip-hop.

Murder & Mayhem.  With bitches, guns, pimps, and cash-money flowing like cola-wine.

And the return of Tupac Shakur . . .

This will be a good one.

BOOK #4)

PEPPER: A Donna Pepperman Action-Thriller

Despite the obviously tongue-in-cheek title (and cover) parodying the Angelina Jolie female action vehicle, SALT, this novel is going to be a hard-edged, gritty, dark and morbidly humorous action thriller that is definitely nowhere near PG-13.

PEPPER will hopefully attract a female audience looking for strong heroines, or in this case, anti-heroines.

BOOK #5)

MODERN MAN: A Novel (Art House Essential Reading Series)

Another addition to our Art House Essential Reading Series of serious contemporary literary works, MODERN MAN explores the alienation and downward emotional spiral of a man trapped in the urban chaos of Modern-Day America.

With all these covers, I tried to evoke a sense of what the readers will be getting themselves into.

This cover, of course, should let everyone know what the tone and mood is going to feel like . . .

Oh:

And this next one is still part of the “Just for Jokes” style of Charles Bukowski-esque, Miranda July-lite poetry that for whatever reason made TEH SH!TTIEST POEMS IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE ACROSS ALL TIME, OR: I OFTEN HAVE TO TELL MYSELF, “I LOVE YOU,” OTHERWISE I WILL NEVER HEAR THOSE WORDS IN MY LIFE the highest-selling ebook I released to date… well ahead of my “serious” works, such as PSALMS AMIDST LAMENTATIONS and my literary work, TEMPORAL: A NOVEL OF CONSCIUSNESS AND TIME.

Anyway, this one is now live and available on the Amazon site for your Kindles:

I EAT ALONE AT RESTAURANTS BECAUSE I FEEL SAD AND LONELY A LOT THROUGHOUT THE DAY AND ESPECIALLY AT NIGHT: DEPRESSING POEMS BY ELIJAH JOON

Miranda July fans, check it out by clicking here.

Here’s hoping I actually get somewhere with this ebook publishing thing this year in 2012, before the world supposedly will end (along with the Nolan-styled Batman trilogy).

The next book to be released this year will most likely instead be, I EAT ALONE IN RESTAURANTS  BECAUSE I FEEL SAD AND LONELY A LOT THROUGHOUT THE DAY AND ESPECIALLY AT NIGHT.

The cover is below, “widescreen”-style:

Apologies for any inconveniences.

However, we would like to squeeze in a few more contributions of your crappiest poetry, so send them in by Christmas to: TehSh1ttiestSubmissions@yahoo.com

THE DEMO TAPE

CONTENTS in a Chapter/Track List Format:

Track 00: INTRO

Track 01: I Knew of Love Once
Track 02: Missus Midas
Track 03: Life is an Open Book, Some Remain Unread
Track 04: Austrian-Accented Action Guy
Track 05: Rewind Your Mind and Nevermind the Wind
Track 06: Professed Possession
Track 07: Noon Day Nada
Track 08: Souls of the Wound

About the Author:

ELIJAH JOON is the young author of the artistic literary novel, TEMPORAL: A NOVEL OF CONSCIOUSNESS AND TIME, the poetry collection, PSALMS AMIDST LAMENTATIONS, and the action-comedy series, ARHNULD BRAWNSWAGGER: AUSTRIAN-ACCENTED ACTION GUY.

All of his books are available for reading on the Amazon Kindle and the Barnes & Noble Nook.

Joon holds a degree in Psychology and is the Co-Screenwriter and Associate Producer of a 2010 feature-length independent film entitled, FOCAL POINT.

PRAISE FOR ELIJAH JOON:

“Literary prose, bordering on poetry, delivered with punch… A Wonderful writer!” – SUZANNE TYRPAK

“Brilliant.” – PAT SHEPHERD

“Great.” – JEFF KLEINMAN

“Insightful.” – JIN

“Amazing and very exciting… Awesome!” – FERNANDO CHIEN

“A$$-kicking! Really enjoyed and so did [my girlfriend]. You’re good!” -KEN OAK

“Had a wonderful time reading it. I feel you have such a gift as a writer and look forward to your work.” – SUNG KANG

DOWNLOAD LINK:  http://www.feedbooks.com/userbook/23594/the-demo-tape-stories-poetry

    US:
Kindle Link

Nook Link

    UK:
Kindle Link UK